God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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