I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
