Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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