apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
