Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
