I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
