I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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