you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
