So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
