Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
