Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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