If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
