I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
