My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
