this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
