and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
