i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Church boner. Awkwardddd
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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