I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
