he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
