Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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