Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
