I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Randomize
