there's paper in my vomit.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
