dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I need moral support for this bender
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
