my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
