Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
