that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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