Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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