If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
