Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
