I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
