I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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