i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can I color on your dick again?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
