Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize