I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
