I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
