im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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