I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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