if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize