You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
