Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
