I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
