My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
