Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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