My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
