Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
my poor anus
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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