girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
