I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
