btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
