i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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